The five F's every man needs for the Spring Carnival

Spring Carnival racing is here! Time to dust off the old bag of fruit and polish the boots.
The fillies are in superb form, and horses are going well too.

It's common knowledge that all men love the races. It's betting, it's drinking and its women. Possibly our three favourite things.
And when it comes to going to the races, preparation is key. At TJR we have put in the hard yards and long hours to provide you with a short list of the five F's essentials for a phenomenal day.

Fanciest Suit
To make the best out of the day you've got to look the part. Don't settle for the old hand-me-down, well-worn, wrong fitting option, nor that same suit you rocked at the Year 9 Formal.
Invest in a quality suit, and feel like Harvey Specter all day long.

Fat Wad of Cash
Once you look the part, you need a wallet to match. No one half-asses the races and enjoys it. Be prepared to spend the dough for a good time. Beers must flow, bets must be made, and if you happen to find yourself a winner, shout those who are having a shocker.
But most importantly, budget for the day. There is nothing worse than running out of cash before the last race and watching you're "sure thing" romp home for a win.

Form Guide
There is nothing worse than watching a bloke pick a horse based on a name or a whim. Yes they may get lucky, and yes at TJR we acknowledge you must go with the gut sometimes, but at least make that gut somewhat informed!
Grab the paper in the morning, check out what the experts say and don't throw away your money. Check yo self before you wreck yo self. Smart punting is good punting.

Flask
Uncertain economic times, gambling, and overpriced spirits mean a flask can be a necessary addition to all outfits. Fill it up with your favourite hooch, stash it in the jacket pocket and be careful about divulging its identity. Who you share your flask with is a sacred tradition, deeply endowed with respect and trust. Using a flask properly is about quiet sophistication among friends, and reminding yourself that you're a man who drinks real booze.

Focal Lenses
Better known as shades, sunnies, or goggles - these are essential.
Even if Melbourne has tossed up an average spring day, a good pair of lenses are pivotal to a day at the races for two reasons.
Firstly, you're in Melbourne. Correctly guessing the weather is more difficult than finding a winner in the Cup. Even if the day starts out bleary there is a good chance it'll turn into a pearler.
Secondly and most importantly they are a necessary addition for the inevitable amount of scouting you'll be doing. The filly's have donned their best frock, and spent hours working on their hair and makeup. It would actually be rude not to. But do it right, don't be lazy, sunnies on, and never forget to always inform your stable mate.


There you have it fellas. Following these 5 F's will ensure you won't find yourself getting effed in any way other than desired.

The Inaugural "Raph Clarke Medal"

The season has ended.

Hawthorn wins another premiership. Whoop de fucking doo.

St Kilda win a wooden spoon, Lenny Hayes retires. Put a fork in them. They're done.

Priddis wins the Brownlow. Deserved it, but who honestly saw that coming?

That leaves only one thing left to work out: Who were the worst players of the season?
This is the battle of the bottom dwellers, the shit kickers, and the all round disgraces to the game.


This year it was a tight affair. To qualify for this prestigious medal, players must have played a total of 8 games, and be hated more by their own supporters than the opposition.

We will begin with the runners up. These two players gave it a red hot crack this year, but finished tantalising short.

3. Travis Cloke
Travis Cloke returned to his poor form, poor kicking and poor fashion choice. In an average year for Collingwood he wasn't worth his over the top pay-packet. He's just lucky his brother Cameron has already shamed the Cloke name enough that one poor year won't damage it any more.

2. Zachary Dawson
Zac Dawson continued to be his ridiculous self. The man is hated by every Fremantle supporter yet Ross Lyon still wants him as a son in law. I actually don't understand how this child gets a game. He'd honestly struggle to break into Blackburn's senior backline. Shocking player, even worse bloke.

As stated above, these players all worked tirelessly on their ability to miss a target, miss a tackle, and miss a goal. But there was one player who surpassed all this year.
So it is with great honour, that TJR announces the winner of the inaugural Raph Clarke Medal  to be....

TYRONE (cheapshot) VICKERY

Tyrone Vickery represented everything that was wrong with the Tigers in the first half of the year. He looked suited to EFL Div4 at times as he dropped chest marks and imparted nothing but misguided violence.
Some men buy expensive cars to overshadow their certain shortcomings. Tyrone simply throws punches to hide the fact he can't actually play football. It's as though he thinks that physicality can make up for being ineffective, clumsy and difficult to watch. His season was summed up in one hit on outgoing West Coast champion Dean Cox.

Vickery's cheap shot

A worthless, expendable, useless and all round weak player. He sports a face most men would love to hit, and now he finally has an award befitting of his ability.

Congratulations Tyrone, you're officially TJR disapproved.

Another Demon Among the Angels

Reports are coming out of the Melbourne Football Club that arguably their greatest player of all time has passed away.

Robbie Flower was the vision of hope through a rather unsuccessful time for the Dees. Despite a listed playing weight of just 67kilos he was never one to shy away from the contest. He had speed to burn and was one of the first ever pristine ball users of the 70s.
This led to Brent Croswell using the following words to describe Flower in The Complete Guide to Australian Football;

"...beat Flower and you could just about retire from League Football because anything else smacked of anti-climax."

See highlights of the great man below.
Robbie Flower Highlights



Thanks for the memories Robbie. I hope you're enjoying a nice cold beer with Jimmy Stynes already. 

You are now a Demon among the Angels.


#TJR

English cricket team move into favouritism for Bobsleigh Gold Medal

Very few things in this world make me as happy as seeing Australia succeed on the world stage. One thing however that gives me similar feelings of joy, fulfillment and patriotism is seeing England lose.

In recent years England have revitalized their cricket team, to the point where they well and truly had the wood on the Aussies. Following victory in the 2011 Ashes series in Australia, England gained the number 1 position in world cricket. A position they would hold until late 2012. Not only did we have to hand over The Ashes, we had to put up with England big noting themselves to the entire cricketing world.
As much as they whine when the lose, they boast even more heavily when they win.
And they wonder why we resent them.

However, since 2012 the English Cricket team have fallen from grace so quickly that they have become the favourites for the Gold medal in the team Bobsleigh event at the World Cup event beginning later this year. Furthermore, plenty of their players will seek individual glory in the downhill skiing, with Bell, Prior and Cook the best chances for medals.

It is just one year ago that England beat Australia by 347 runs at Lords. Since then they have been unable to turn around a form slump so dramatic that if things fall India's way in the final two tests, England could be sitting as low as 7th in the world rankings.

How bad is it? Let see..

They haven't won a test in their last 10 tries - worst run in over 20 years.
Their senior players in Bell, Cook and Prior are all averaging under 25 runs a game over this stretch.
Cook hasn't scored a century in his last 27 innings.
Their bowlers can't put together two good performances during an entire match.
Broad now believes in ghosts, proclaiming that his room was haunted in their test against Sri Lanka.
Kevin Pietersen was sacked earlier this year for bad-mouthing their coach.
Then Andrew Strauss was in hot water for labeling Pietersen a c*** on live TV.
And up until last week India had gone 1,124 days without winning a Test outside of India.

Long live the Queen? Nah, long live the demise of the English cricket team!

Fatherly Faith Pays Off

Early this morning Rory McIlroy held off the fast finishing Sergio Garcia and Rickie Fowler to win the British Open Championship by just 2 strokes.

The win not only nets him a cool £975,000 but he also joins Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus as the only golfers to have won three of the four major titles by the time they were 25.
But it is not only Rory who is profiting from this win. It turns out that Gerry McIlroy, Rory's father, also stands to walk away with a reported £100,000. 

How did he do this you ask?

 He had amazing, if not insane faith in his then 15 year old son who showed some talent with stick in hand. So certain was Gerry that this talent would eventuate into something remarkable he approached a local bookmaker and put £200 on Rory to win the British Open before he turned 26 at odds of 500/1.  He also convinced two friends to do the same who reportedly will share £80,000 worth of winnings between them. 

Until this year Rory had had very little success at the Open, finishing within the top 25 just once since 2007. But all that is history now. Surely big celebrations will be shared with his family and friends tonight and there will definitely be a few extra bottles of bubbly floating around!

The fluctuating stock price of the Kangaroos

This year the Kangaroos have been more unpredictable than stock market. More erratic than Melbourne's weather. And more random than a Miley Cyrus film clip.
One day they're up, twerking it out on the MCG, then the next they may as well have stayed in bed and slept through the entire weekend. 

As the ladder stands North Melbourne have beaten 4 of the 5 teams above them, with Geelong the only exception. They have shown that their midfield has the strength to match it with the very best, and their forward line has enough scoring power to keep up with a fast flowing Hawthorn. Yet, there have been far too many occasions where they simply have not turned up to play. 

Round 5 they went through the motions in a convincing loss to Collingwood. The same thing happened against the Gold Coast Suns in Round 7, and again in Round 13 against Adelaide.
Then, within the space of two weeks they lost to bottom dwellers Brisbane by 4 points after blowing an early 22 point lead, to then bounce back the following week and defeat last years premiers Hawthorn by 20 points. And finally they infuriated their fans once again with a loss to Carlton this weekend. 

Following their game against Carlton on Friday night coach Brad Scott took responsibility for their up and down season.

" You always look in the mirror first. Clearly there is something I'm not doing and I haven't found it yet "

But is it really his fault. Sure, he has a part to play in all of this, and maybe he could be harder on the group, or approach games differently.

But these are professional footballers. They are paid to play.
If I was as unpredictable in my job from one day to the next then surely my boss would be showing me the door pretty quickly. North's players need to take a real good look at themselves. This whole charade is all a matter of the mind. How they approach each game is up to the individual, and they certainly should not need a blasting in the media or an inspirational speech from their coach to get them psyched up before each game. 

The ability to be able to motivate yourself is one of the most important characteristics a footballer can have. It is what has made the likes of Ablett and Judd so good over their careers. Whenever their team is down, you can count on them to have a big quarter, or even just lift their team with a single act. 

At present, North Melbourne do not have that. Yes they have leaders. I've always been a fan of Petrie's work but he's not a superstar forward that can win a game off his own boot. And while Swallow is performing week in week out with high numbers this year his impact is not as damaging as other elite midfielders in the comp.
They simply have too many players that go missing during important moments in games. I'm not saying they're an entire team of down hill skiers, but they definitely have far too many front runners. 

They lack belief in their ability to turn games around, and until they can do that on a regular basis they are not going to be the Top 4 side they aspire to be.

Until then I urge all my readers to never put any money on North Melbourne.

They are a punters nightmare and surely would have ruined more multi's than any other team this year. Bet with them against a team below them and they are likely to ruin you, but bet against them when they play someone above them and you're stuffed.

They are as confusing as Inception and as disappointing as The Godfather Part 3. 

But hopefully for their supporters their season has a happy ending. 

The Real Winners of The World Cup

It's been a week since the World Cup officially finished, but the celebrations and heartache are still here.

Firstly, let me be honest with you all - I can't really stand watching soccer.
I mean I'll happily be patriotic once every four years and watch with hope that Timmy will answer a nations prayers and do us proud, but if it's not Australia on the pitch I can barely watch 10, let alone 90 minutes of the game.
I can appreciate the skills of Neymar, Messi and Schweinsteiger. I can also understand the craziness of Cahill's strike, and the exquisite goal saving dives from Tim Howard. But despite this, I'd rather watch the Red Viper's death scene from Game of Thrones on repeat, than watch sportsmen play and act for free kicks.

Despite my criticism of the game, I must say that I found myself get caught up in the enormity of the World Cup, but maybe for different reasons than most.

Lets kick it off with the main reason most guys get up at ridiculous hours to watch this - the women.
Yes, this tournament is meant to be about the players, their skill, and the goals, but most men are more interested in the wives and girlfriends that fame can get you.
The entire German team are apparently dating 10's, both Messi and Neymar are batting well above their average, and some fan even got herself a modelling contract just for being seen in the crowd!

German hero 'Super' Mario Gotze and his stunning trophy.
Being held by his even more stunning girlfriend.

Germany's Top Model winner, and girlfriend to
German player Khedira. She definitely makes
the Germans an ever greater team.

Lionel Messi is scoring goals in all the right places!

Axelle Despiegelaere stole the entire tournament with her few seconds of
fame during a German match, earning herself a modelling contract.
Well played indeed.

It wasn't only the women in the crowd that impressed us.
Every country has their loyal fans. Some get painted in their team colours, others dress up in some weird and whacky outfits that make you question almost everything you've ever known. This year there was one Colombian fan who outdid anyone else.

Let me introduce you to the Colombian Nazi Weed Pope.

Where on earth did this man get this idea. Swastika, cannabis and the Pope. Instantly I'm imagining an alternate reality where Jesus and Hitler are sharing a bong. It's possibly the strangest thing I've ever seen. And let's not forget his less courageous friend. These two are my favourite thing to come out of this World Cup! 

But the crowd's weren't the only reason to watch, there was of course waiting for someone to have a momentous stuff-up that would cost their team everything. This year though it was an entire team that broke the hearts of the host nation. As the Brazilian team and supporters tried to come to grips with their 7-1 defeat the internet and twitter highlighted some amazing reactions.

Brazil's Christ the Redeemer statue looked a little different following the loss.

The new Brazilian flag was also unveiled on twitter...

Finally, one of the main reasons I dislike soccer is the acting. So many players would look more comfortable on the 3metre spring board at the upcoming Commonwealth Games than on the field at the World Cup.

There were plenty of nominees for the best dive of the tournament, but the award had to go Arjen Robben this year. His amazing display caught the eye of the referee, and scored a 9.4 from all judges, with top marks given for difficulty and technique. He also almost broke the long jump world record with this effort.

Luis Suarez was a very close second, with his argument that Italian defender Chiellini 'shouldered his teeth' following his well publicised 'three-thirty-itis' hunger issues.

Well done to all the real winners of the World Cup, I'll look forward to the camera-men finding the best looking women in the crowd again in four years time. Until then I guess the French countryside will have to do as we turn our late night and early morning attention to watching Le Tour! 

Thorpe Making Waves

Ian Thorpe is arguably the greatest athlete Australia has produced in recent times, at least that's the way I view him. A world champion by the time he was 15, and by 17 he had 'accomplished his (my) dreams'. Between 1999 to 2004 he was never beaten at any major swimming event over the 400m freestyle. He was anchor in every notable Australian relay team, and held an amazing 13 individual World Records over his illustrious career. 

However, through all of his success one question came up more than most - is he gay?

The answer to this was revealed by Thorpe in a tell-all interview with Michael Parkinson on Channel 10. The reaction to Thorpe 'coming out' has been hugely positive, with twitter exploding with the hashtag '#onyathorpie'. But among the many well-wishers there has been one phrase that has really taken over. Many media personalities have said it, and most of you probably thought it when you first heard this story generating media attention.
It is the phrase; who cares?

I understand what people are trying to voice by saying this, but in reality, we should care. Not because it's a good news story, and not because Thorpe's sexuality is any of our business, but we should care because his decision to come out may help many more young children do the same.

In the interview Thorpe states that he was first publicly asked about his sexuality at the age of 16.
16 !!

By 16 I was still an innocent young boy, who had only just got his head around the birds and the bees. To say that this was a ridiculous thing to ask anyone, let alone a 16 year old boy doesn't even begin to do it justice. This would be a difficult question for any 16 year old to answer in the privacy of their own mind, let alone to broadcast to the entire world's media.

The vulnerability of teenagers is highlighted in the studies done by the San Francisco State University in 2012 show that self harm rates for gay and lesbian teenagers is 8 times higher than that of straight teenagers. The anxiety and depression that affected Thorpe ever since he was 19 definitely had something to do with his inability to express his sexuality. Currently, there would be many teenagers feeling the same way that Thorpe did. It is depressing that this is a completely normal way for teenagers to feel. But the fact is, while predispositions are currently changing for the better, we still live in a country that doesn't recognise gay marriage legally, and the term 'gay' is still used in school yards to denote a negative situation or experience. Yet despite this, people still asked 'Why didn't he tell us ages ago' in reference to Thorpe's decision to come out.

It's simple, its not that easy. You would be idiotic to believe that any gay or lesbian person has never once tried to deny that they were gay at some time in their life. Even if they have 'come out of the closet' since then, there would have been a time when they denied it or kept it hidden. Like others before him, Thorpe had his reasons. He was worried about how his friends would see him. He was worried about how his family would take the news. And he was especially fearful that the Australian public he worked so hard to please would reject him if they knew he was gay. This is not how anyone should have to feel.

I wish we were at a stage where the sexuality of a person within the media was not speculated about, but even though we are moving in the right direction we are not there yet. The same day that the news about Thorpe broke, AFL commentator Brian Taylor was in hot water for calling Harry Taylor a 'big poofta', perfectly highlighting that there is still so much we have to learn. And so, with each new media personality that announces themselves as gay, we must congratulate them and highlight that it is perfectly fine to be gay, and to be proud of it. We shouldn't say 'who cares', because there are many 16 year olds out there that would have cared as they could have been going through similar things as Thorpe at that same time, and there will be many more who will deal with those circumstances in the future. They may not be in the media spotlight like Thorpe was, but they may be part of sporting teams, or simply struggling to deal with it themselves. Thorpe had to hide his true self for so long, but hopefully his decision to reveal that he is gay will help many others, particularly young Australians to do the same. 

As for Thorpie, at TJR we hope that being comfortable and proud of being gay is a huge step in the right direction for him, and the end of any mental demons he has had to overcome recently.

#tjr

Mullet Monday

No one enjoys Mondays. It's an indisputable fact. But never fear, at TJR we're here to make your Mondays a little more enjoyable. And what pleases people more than a good old fashioned mullet ?
Business at the front, party at the back - the ULTIMATE hairdo.

It has long been a revered hairstyle among all men (and some women). The mullet is arguably respected more for the balls it takes to pull off the hairdo rather than for the style itself. But nevertheless it is undeniably the quintessential hairdo of sporting icons.
This Mullet Monday we have honoured 10 of the best mullets in the history of sport.

Taylor Walker

His modern day mullet has made him the pride of South Australia, which is arguably the home of the mullet in Australia.

Randy Johnson

This man mountain could send down some serious heat with his big left arm. If the batters were lucky enough to see the ball, they usually still missed it as they were gazing upon the delicious mullet in front of them.

Fraser Gehrig

The G-Train had to be on this list based purely on the intimidation factor that the mullet added to an already frightening human. Defender after defender were led to the ball countless times as a result of getting caught watching the mullet flap in the wind.

Martina Navratilova

As the only woman to make the list Navratilova should feel more honoured than most. Unquestionably one of the best mullets in sport, and possibly an inspiration for our next nominee.

Andre Agassi

Impossible to go past the one-time bad-boy of tennis. Sporting a mullet with jean shorts and a fiery temper, Agassi exemplified everything that is great about a mulleted man.

Wayne Gretzky

ESPN named him 'the greatest NHL player of all time'. But word on the street is that he is more honoured to be a valued member of our marvelous mullets list. Those lovely locks should never have been hidden under a helmet.

Jared Allen

If you've never heard of Jared Allen, then this one minute video is all you will ever need to understand this remarkable human.
Jared Allen talks about his mullet

Larry Bird

With the mo' to match the mullet, Larry Bird will always be one of the very best mullets the NBA has ever seen. There was barely a better sight than witnessing Bird's mullet flap its wings as he drained each of his unguardable fade-aways.

John Daly

Possibly one of the greatest single images of a mulleted man in action. Cigarette in the mouth, mullet hanging over the back of the collar, and club in full swing. It is poetry in motion.

Stuart Johns

I rarely use this medium to promote or plug a friend, but today I must make an exception.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing this mullet running around Morton Park for the Blackburn Football Club each Saturday. However, his addition to this list has more to do with what will happen this weekend rather than his lovely locks. As amazing as his mullet is, Stu has decided to shave it off in order to raise money for The Brain Foundation. This is a cause very close to Stu's heart and one that deserves support.
Follow this link to find out more about this great event - https://www.facebook.com/events/1401727376776160/

TJR appreciates the guts it takes to sacrifice a mullet two years in the making, and we urge all our readers not to 'mullet over', and instead donate to this worthy cause.
https://give.everydayhero.com/au/stu-s-great-de-mullification



May the mullet live long and flourish.
TJR.

The Stupidity of Sporting Personalities

When I originally had the idea to scribble down an article about some of the more idiotic moments in sport, I had envisioned it covering multiple months, possibly even a year. But as I began to think about the weird and wacky behaviours of sporting personalities it was evident that I need not look any further back than a week ago to come up with a thorough list of nonsensical acts. 

I managed to cut it down to these three incidents. Enjoy.

Luis Suarez

It's impossible to let this one go through to the keeper. Not since 1997 has there been more talk of biting in sport. Back then the world was shocked and horrified by Tyson's childish unsportsmanslike behaviour. But unlike Suarez, Tyson took responsibility for his actions, apologised, and has not since been caught chewing on anything other than food. 

Suarez on the other hand is now a three-peat offender and blamed his opponent for 'shouldering his teeth'. His excuse is actually almost as bad as the act itself. Since 2010 Suarez has been suspended for an amazing 39 matches, without receiving a single red card. And finally, his teeth are already far too prominent for most peoples liking, yet he continues to put them in the spotlight.
Maybe he's trying to file them down, maybe he hasn't had his Snickers for the day, but either way there is no place biting in sport.  If a dog bites a human, it gets put down, it may be time we did the same to Suarez.

Eddie McGuire

For me, seeing any Collingwood fan or player unhappy is as good as the Dees getting a win. But when it's Eddie that is having a sook and a whinge it really does feel like Christmas morning. It just makes me happy to watch him squirm.
Today was no exception. It's true that no one enjoys going to Sunday Night Football. It's too late, and the prospect of a few quiet beers on the couch in front of the TV is far too appealing for most supporters. So in a way I understand where Eddie was coming from with his complaints about the timing of their clash with Carlton. But what I can't understand is that he honestly believes Collingwood deserve compensation from the AFL for the lack of a crowd. Just under 41,000 people came out to watch the clash on Sunday night, down by about 20,000 from a usual Carlton v Collingwood clash. If Melbourne got 40,000 to any game this year they'd be overwhelmed with joy. Collingwood have long enjoyed prime time fixtures over the years, with plenty of Friday night, Saturday and Saturday nights games. Therefore, if Eddie expects a 'six figure sum' compensation for Sunday night, then do the Bulldogs, Kangaroos, Dees, and Brisbane deserve similar compensation for the fact that they don't enjoy the privileged fixture that Collingwood benefit from? 

Put simply, in 2013, Collingwood announced a profit of just over $5 million, by comparison, the Western Bulldogs ended 2013 with an operating loss of $143,090.
- It's time to get off your high horse Eddie. 

Todd Carney

Todd Carney's career is down the toilet (see what I did there). I honestly have no idea what he was thinking uploading that photo. He claims it was a prank and that he was set up by a friend. But even if it wasn't him who uploaded the photo it doesn't take away from the fact that he actually tasted his own urine. Apparently the action of drinking your own urine is known as 'bubbling'. Carney's either a little crazier than anyone thought or he's the biggest Bear Grylls fan ever. But either way at least he has saved ASADA some time by testing his own urine sample. 

I wish I could continue to take the piss out of Carney with more hilarious puns, but I'm not sure you need to swallow any more of this dribble.

So that is the first of hopefully many installments of the stupidity in sport. 

Many people say that we are over critical of sports personalities as so much of their lives are in the media's spotlight. This may be true, however it doesn't make it any less amusing. 

Who the hell is Dante Exum?

Who the hell is Dante Exum?

This is a question most of Australia, America and NBA fans around the world are asking today. The 18 year old, born and raised in Melbourne has gone from being another face in the crowd to a household name. Exum not only sports a commentator-worthy name, he also has unbelievable athletic ability for a man standing at 198 centimetres. It is this athletic ability as well as his impressive scoring power which saw him selected by the Utah Jazz with the number 5 pick in the 2014 NBA draft. 

However, for someone picked so early in the draft, much about Dante Exum is a mystery. It's no surprise that there's not a lot known about the man here in Australia. First and foremost, he's a basketballer. Basketball is undeniably the forgotten sport within Australia. Always getting beat down by it's older and more popular brothers. Other than the likes of Gaze, Bogut and Mills, the rest of the plethora of professional Australian basketballers could walk down any main street in Melbourne and would likely get confused for 'some tall bloke probably playing VFL'. 

Not only is Exum an unknown quantity in Australia he is also somewhat of a mystery man for many in America. This is because unlike the majority of players selected in the national draft, Exum did not play any College Basketball. This was not as a result of lack of offers, in fact it was the complete opposite. 

Following a breakout performance by Dante at the FIBA Under 17's World Championships in which he averaged 18 points on 45% shooting, Exum was the new name on every college teams lips. Prior to those championships Exum was expected to follow the footsteps of Bogut and Mills and go down the College path, biding his time, and testing his skills. But the hype Exum created at the World Champs gifted him a unique opportunity to nominate for the NBA draft and skip pass college. The enigma that is Exum had shown enough to get NBA scouts interested, and as such, college was not a necessary medium for him to put his skills on show. 

As cliche as it sounds, I believe that for Exum, the sky is the limit. With a name like his, and a currently raw, yet fundamentally sound game supported by elite size and athletic ability for a point guard, Dante Exum has every chance to succeed at the highest level. Any highlight video of Exum will illustrate how quick his first step is. This means he is virtually impossible to stop in the open court. He seems to bypass defenders with ease, and has the skill-set to attack any defense and get to the rim. 

Despite his natural ability, Exum still has a lot of work to do, and he knows that. Today he said his first point of call when touching down in Utah would be to seek out the help and wisdom of John Stockton, one of the purest point guards the NBA has ever seen. Exum's willingness to learn will stand him in good stead and by the time Dante is 25 he could be one of the best basketball players in the world. But for now, he must learn from the best, and develop his game. 

I for one look forward to witnessing this over the next few seasons and solving the mystery of Dante Exum. For his, and Australia's sake, I hope that he can follow in the footsteps of Patty Mills and win a ring in a few years time. 

So get out there and buy yourself an Exum jersey and enjoy the ride! Go Jazz!

                                                                                                                             Image source; nba.com

Why Relton Roberts is the best thing to come out of the Tigers since Richo

Richmond fans don't have a lot to be happy for at the moment. The team is so up and and down that most of their supporters are getting motion sickness. Their ex-player Jay Schulz who struggled to get a game at Tigerland is now leading the Coleman. They also currently sit below both Melbourne and GWS on the ladder. And lets not forget that they passed up Buddy Franklin for Richard Tambling in the 2004 draft.
But don't dismay Tiger fans, Relton Roberts is here to bring some humour back into your miserable lives!

You could be forgiven  for not remembering ex-Richmond player Relton Roberts.
Relton was picked up by Richmond in the 2010 Rookie Draft. Nicknamed the 'Barunga Bullet' he exhibited electrifying speed, great skills by foot, and had an innate sense of where the goals were. He became an instant crowd favourite when he ran out in the Tigers round one clash against the Blues.
Wearing number 50, Roberts picked up 7 possessions and 5 marks in the loss to their old foes. He would only play one more game for the Tigers, in which he unfortunately got knocked out cold.
The Tigers faithful warmed to him though as he showed glimpses of the pace that got him picked up. But, it was his figure which had a few people talking. Unlike the typical AFL player, Roberts carried a few extra kilos around his waist. He was almost a cult hero to the lazy, beer and fast food loving local footy player who has always dreamed of cracking the big time but never really put in the effort.
It was those extra kilos, and his love of hamburgers that eventually caused Relton's downfall. He was sent home to the Northern Territory mid way through the 2010 season after devouring a mouthwatering hamburger prior to a game for Richmond's reserves side in the VFL. In his defence it is very difficult to walk past the BBQ at a footy ground and not be tempted into purchasing a big juicy burger with bacon, egg and all the sides!

So what has Relton Roberts done since leaving the AFL that should have Richmond fans rejoicing?
Recently he has revived his playing career for Ouyen United in the Mallee Football League in northern Victoria. After coming back through the reserves following an injury, Relton starred, booting 11 goals two weeks ago. He also thoroughly enjoys a spot of fishing while he sinks a few Melbourne Bitter cans and listens to Yothu Yindi.
However, I believe Relton Roberts greatest achievement post AFL has been his dominance on twitter!
His ability to take the piss out of himself and others is hilarious and has seen him reach almost 10,000 followers.
Below are just a few examples of Relton's best work on the twittersphere. Enjoy

So bruz, give @Scooby_50 a follow on Twitter and bask in the glory of the Barunga Bullet. 

It will be well and truly worth it and it might put a smile on the faces of Richmond supporters, at least until next weekend. 

https://twitter.com/Scooby_50

*Disclaimer: Probably not the real Relton Roberts twitter account (but either way it's brilliant)

A toast to the Lion King

The time has finally come for Brisbane Lions legend Jonathan Brown to leave the pack and hang up his leather stained boots. Brown announced his retirement in a press conference today, stating that the decision was based on his future outside football following strong medical advice to step away from the game after a third sickening knock to the head in just 12 months.

In a career spanning 15 years, Brown was a three-time premiership player by the age of 22. But his best days were surely ahead of him. Standing at 194 centimetres, and weighing in at a touch over 100kgs, he was a nightmare for all backmen. He became a modern day great whilst exemplifying an old-school style of football rarely seen in today's game. He had an intimidation factor rarely seen these days and his pride of young Lions lifted with each and every one of his brave acts.
His dominance over the competition was evident during the Brownlow medal count in 2006. After 10 rounds he held the lead with 13 votes over eventual winner Adam Goodes, including three best on ground performances, before injury cut his season short. Unfortunately injury will be a defining factor of Brown's career, and it's disappointing that it has eventually caused his retirement. Despite the injuries, he finishes his career with an impressive 594 goals over an amazing 256 games. A two time All-Australian, three-time best and fairest winner at the Lions and  in 2007 he led all comers to win the Coleman medal. 

I could easily go on about the long list of achievements Brown has accomplished over his stellar career, but he's more than just a great player. What makes Brown on of my most loved and respected players is not his long list of on-field achievements, it is his inconceivable courage, as well as the way he personifies the stereotypical 'great Aussie bloke' with his laid back personality.

He is the definition of a man's man.
He loves a 'few' sneaky beer while betting on the dishlickers. He's never sported a designer hairstyle, and he'll never be seen in the confidential pages of any newspaper. Despite his love for a froth or two he has never found himself in any hot water unlike many other AFL stars. Hawthorn star Luke Hodge once attempted to go drink for drink with the big man during the off season, and when asked how he went his response was;
"not good... he's a powerhouse - on and off the field."
Brown's numerous appearances on the Footy Show have highlighted his quick wit, and laid back, yet no nonsense personality. It is this that has made him the perfect ambassador for AFL in a rugby dominated state. You could argue that without his presence the recent difficult years at the Lions since their dominance in the early 2000's could have been far worse. He's the kind of player who brings people to the footy.  

His on-field acts magnify his league wide respect. Never has a man made a courageous grab followed by a 60 metre bomb look more nonchalant. Backing back into a pack should be a natural characteristic for anyone, yet it became second nature for Brown. I will personally never forget his Mark of The Year in 2002.

Jonathan Brown - Mark of the Year 2002

Running back with the flight into a huge pack of players coming just as quickly in the opposite direction, Brown's eyes never left the footy for even a brief second. Any other player would have stopped short and waited for the ball to spill, hoping to get a cheap kick. But Brown isn't just any other player. 

The modern game will probably never see another Jonathan Brown. Simply because the game is changing to more mobile, running forwards rather than the powerful, brute of human that Brown was.
This is a tragedy, but it just makes Brown an even more special player. 

What Brown has done for football in general is enormous, and as many greats of the game have said, he doesn't owe his club, let alone the game anything. His body has suffered enough, and it's time to farewell the big boy from country Victoria. It's been a privilege watching him strut his stuff over the years, and the Lions will not be the same without him.

I'll leave you with an open message to one of my all-time favourites;

Browny,
I feel I can safely speak for the entire AFL community when I say that we will miss seeing you crashing packs and slotting them through the big sticks. Congratulations on an absolutely outstanding career. You will always be a true legend of the game and your charisma will be missed.
I wish you all the best for your future, enjoy the time with your family, but please don't be a stranger to the football world. I hope for my sake that we get a chance to share a beer together in the future. 

Until then, thanks for the memories and I'll knock the froth of a few in your honour tonight! 

Welcome fellow judgmental sports enthusiasts

To be completely honest I'm not sure why I'm doing a welcome message - as there is currently no one but myself that is even aware that this blog exists.
Hopefully one day someone will read this, and if not, it will simply become another of the many conversations I have with myself.

So, to my future potential readers - you probably want to know what you'll gain from reading and following my blog.
To be honest I'm not completely sure, all I can say is that it will revolve around my judgmental yet hopefully well informed views of all things sport. What I can do however, is give you a list of the things I promise not to feed your poor minds with:
- There will be NO insights into #cleaneating.
- NOR will I ever attempt to be your #fitspiration.
- There will be NO yoga pose of the day.
- There will be NO outfits of the day.
- I WILL NOT delve into the world of the Kardashians (unless Kim is looking bangin')
- There will be NO boring political statements (unless a kid throws a sandwich at Gillard again)
- And finally, but most importantly, I WILL NOT give away any Game Of Thrones spoilers.

I guess before I go any further I should tell you about myself.
I'm 23
I'm male
I have not had a tattoo in the last 3 months
I have never been imprisoned
I have not lived in Europe during the Mad Cow debacle
I may or may not have answered many of these questions earlier today when donating blood (Yes, I'm a blood donor #hero)

But honestly, I'm your typical 23 year old Uni student. I enjoy the odd cleansing ale while hurling abuse at inadequate umpires. I have a deep hatred for Collingwood, Essendon, Carlton and I strongly believe that Paul Roos is proof that God is in fact a fan of the Demons. And yes, I'm aware I may have just discredited the churches idea of Heaven and Hell. What of it.
If you're not following a whole lot of what I'm saying then unfortunately this blog is probably not for you. And that's fine, but don't expect a Christmas card from me this year.

So there it is. I've lost my blog-virginity? Bloginity? Ahh whatever. All I hope is that I don't regret not listening to the great Homer J. Simpson when he said, "You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is - never try."

The way I see it, if Caroline Wilson can make a career by force feeding us uninformed and unintelligent ramblings she stole from the drunk and seemingly homeless man outside the Dirty Swan on a Saturday night then I can at least turn this into more than simply another conversation with myself.

So there it is. But before I sign off for the first (and hopefully not last) time I'll leave you with one piece of irrefutable wisdom;

Ambition is simply a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.