The Stupidity of Sporting Personalities

When I originally had the idea to scribble down an article about some of the more idiotic moments in sport, I had envisioned it covering multiple months, possibly even a year. But as I began to think about the weird and wacky behaviours of sporting personalities it was evident that I need not look any further back than a week ago to come up with a thorough list of nonsensical acts. 

I managed to cut it down to these three incidents. Enjoy.

Luis Suarez

It's impossible to let this one go through to the keeper. Not since 1997 has there been more talk of biting in sport. Back then the world was shocked and horrified by Tyson's childish unsportsmanslike behaviour. But unlike Suarez, Tyson took responsibility for his actions, apologised, and has not since been caught chewing on anything other than food. 

Suarez on the other hand is now a three-peat offender and blamed his opponent for 'shouldering his teeth'. His excuse is actually almost as bad as the act itself. Since 2010 Suarez has been suspended for an amazing 39 matches, without receiving a single red card. And finally, his teeth are already far too prominent for most peoples liking, yet he continues to put them in the spotlight.
Maybe he's trying to file them down, maybe he hasn't had his Snickers for the day, but either way there is no place biting in sport.  If a dog bites a human, it gets put down, it may be time we did the same to Suarez.

Eddie McGuire

For me, seeing any Collingwood fan or player unhappy is as good as the Dees getting a win. But when it's Eddie that is having a sook and a whinge it really does feel like Christmas morning. It just makes me happy to watch him squirm.
Today was no exception. It's true that no one enjoys going to Sunday Night Football. It's too late, and the prospect of a few quiet beers on the couch in front of the TV is far too appealing for most supporters. So in a way I understand where Eddie was coming from with his complaints about the timing of their clash with Carlton. But what I can't understand is that he honestly believes Collingwood deserve compensation from the AFL for the lack of a crowd. Just under 41,000 people came out to watch the clash on Sunday night, down by about 20,000 from a usual Carlton v Collingwood clash. If Melbourne got 40,000 to any game this year they'd be overwhelmed with joy. Collingwood have long enjoyed prime time fixtures over the years, with plenty of Friday night, Saturday and Saturday nights games. Therefore, if Eddie expects a 'six figure sum' compensation for Sunday night, then do the Bulldogs, Kangaroos, Dees, and Brisbane deserve similar compensation for the fact that they don't enjoy the privileged fixture that Collingwood benefit from? 

Put simply, in 2013, Collingwood announced a profit of just over $5 million, by comparison, the Western Bulldogs ended 2013 with an operating loss of $143,090.
- It's time to get off your high horse Eddie. 

Todd Carney

Todd Carney's career is down the toilet (see what I did there). I honestly have no idea what he was thinking uploading that photo. He claims it was a prank and that he was set up by a friend. But even if it wasn't him who uploaded the photo it doesn't take away from the fact that he actually tasted his own urine. Apparently the action of drinking your own urine is known as 'bubbling'. Carney's either a little crazier than anyone thought or he's the biggest Bear Grylls fan ever. But either way at least he has saved ASADA some time by testing his own urine sample. 

I wish I could continue to take the piss out of Carney with more hilarious puns, but I'm not sure you need to swallow any more of this dribble.

So that is the first of hopefully many installments of the stupidity in sport. 

Many people say that we are over critical of sports personalities as so much of their lives are in the media's spotlight. This may be true, however it doesn't make it any less amusing. 

Who the hell is Dante Exum?

Who the hell is Dante Exum?

This is a question most of Australia, America and NBA fans around the world are asking today. The 18 year old, born and raised in Melbourne has gone from being another face in the crowd to a household name. Exum not only sports a commentator-worthy name, he also has unbelievable athletic ability for a man standing at 198 centimetres. It is this athletic ability as well as his impressive scoring power which saw him selected by the Utah Jazz with the number 5 pick in the 2014 NBA draft. 

However, for someone picked so early in the draft, much about Dante Exum is a mystery. It's no surprise that there's not a lot known about the man here in Australia. First and foremost, he's a basketballer. Basketball is undeniably the forgotten sport within Australia. Always getting beat down by it's older and more popular brothers. Other than the likes of Gaze, Bogut and Mills, the rest of the plethora of professional Australian basketballers could walk down any main street in Melbourne and would likely get confused for 'some tall bloke probably playing VFL'. 

Not only is Exum an unknown quantity in Australia he is also somewhat of a mystery man for many in America. This is because unlike the majority of players selected in the national draft, Exum did not play any College Basketball. This was not as a result of lack of offers, in fact it was the complete opposite. 

Following a breakout performance by Dante at the FIBA Under 17's World Championships in which he averaged 18 points on 45% shooting, Exum was the new name on every college teams lips. Prior to those championships Exum was expected to follow the footsteps of Bogut and Mills and go down the College path, biding his time, and testing his skills. But the hype Exum created at the World Champs gifted him a unique opportunity to nominate for the NBA draft and skip pass college. The enigma that is Exum had shown enough to get NBA scouts interested, and as such, college was not a necessary medium for him to put his skills on show. 

As cliche as it sounds, I believe that for Exum, the sky is the limit. With a name like his, and a currently raw, yet fundamentally sound game supported by elite size and athletic ability for a point guard, Dante Exum has every chance to succeed at the highest level. Any highlight video of Exum will illustrate how quick his first step is. This means he is virtually impossible to stop in the open court. He seems to bypass defenders with ease, and has the skill-set to attack any defense and get to the rim. 

Despite his natural ability, Exum still has a lot of work to do, and he knows that. Today he said his first point of call when touching down in Utah would be to seek out the help and wisdom of John Stockton, one of the purest point guards the NBA has ever seen. Exum's willingness to learn will stand him in good stead and by the time Dante is 25 he could be one of the best basketball players in the world. But for now, he must learn from the best, and develop his game. 

I for one look forward to witnessing this over the next few seasons and solving the mystery of Dante Exum. For his, and Australia's sake, I hope that he can follow in the footsteps of Patty Mills and win a ring in a few years time. 

So get out there and buy yourself an Exum jersey and enjoy the ride! Go Jazz!

                                                                                                                             Image source; nba.com

Why Relton Roberts is the best thing to come out of the Tigers since Richo

Richmond fans don't have a lot to be happy for at the moment. The team is so up and and down that most of their supporters are getting motion sickness. Their ex-player Jay Schulz who struggled to get a game at Tigerland is now leading the Coleman. They also currently sit below both Melbourne and GWS on the ladder. And lets not forget that they passed up Buddy Franklin for Richard Tambling in the 2004 draft.
But don't dismay Tiger fans, Relton Roberts is here to bring some humour back into your miserable lives!

You could be forgiven  for not remembering ex-Richmond player Relton Roberts.
Relton was picked up by Richmond in the 2010 Rookie Draft. Nicknamed the 'Barunga Bullet' he exhibited electrifying speed, great skills by foot, and had an innate sense of where the goals were. He became an instant crowd favourite when he ran out in the Tigers round one clash against the Blues.
Wearing number 50, Roberts picked up 7 possessions and 5 marks in the loss to their old foes. He would only play one more game for the Tigers, in which he unfortunately got knocked out cold.
The Tigers faithful warmed to him though as he showed glimpses of the pace that got him picked up. But, it was his figure which had a few people talking. Unlike the typical AFL player, Roberts carried a few extra kilos around his waist. He was almost a cult hero to the lazy, beer and fast food loving local footy player who has always dreamed of cracking the big time but never really put in the effort.
It was those extra kilos, and his love of hamburgers that eventually caused Relton's downfall. He was sent home to the Northern Territory mid way through the 2010 season after devouring a mouthwatering hamburger prior to a game for Richmond's reserves side in the VFL. In his defence it is very difficult to walk past the BBQ at a footy ground and not be tempted into purchasing a big juicy burger with bacon, egg and all the sides!

So what has Relton Roberts done since leaving the AFL that should have Richmond fans rejoicing?
Recently he has revived his playing career for Ouyen United in the Mallee Football League in northern Victoria. After coming back through the reserves following an injury, Relton starred, booting 11 goals two weeks ago. He also thoroughly enjoys a spot of fishing while he sinks a few Melbourne Bitter cans and listens to Yothu Yindi.
However, I believe Relton Roberts greatest achievement post AFL has been his dominance on twitter!
His ability to take the piss out of himself and others is hilarious and has seen him reach almost 10,000 followers.
Below are just a few examples of Relton's best work on the twittersphere. Enjoy

So bruz, give @Scooby_50 a follow on Twitter and bask in the glory of the Barunga Bullet. 

It will be well and truly worth it and it might put a smile on the faces of Richmond supporters, at least until next weekend. 

https://twitter.com/Scooby_50

*Disclaimer: Probably not the real Relton Roberts twitter account (but either way it's brilliant)

A toast to the Lion King

The time has finally come for Brisbane Lions legend Jonathan Brown to leave the pack and hang up his leather stained boots. Brown announced his retirement in a press conference today, stating that the decision was based on his future outside football following strong medical advice to step away from the game after a third sickening knock to the head in just 12 months.

In a career spanning 15 years, Brown was a three-time premiership player by the age of 22. But his best days were surely ahead of him. Standing at 194 centimetres, and weighing in at a touch over 100kgs, he was a nightmare for all backmen. He became a modern day great whilst exemplifying an old-school style of football rarely seen in today's game. He had an intimidation factor rarely seen these days and his pride of young Lions lifted with each and every one of his brave acts.
His dominance over the competition was evident during the Brownlow medal count in 2006. After 10 rounds he held the lead with 13 votes over eventual winner Adam Goodes, including three best on ground performances, before injury cut his season short. Unfortunately injury will be a defining factor of Brown's career, and it's disappointing that it has eventually caused his retirement. Despite the injuries, he finishes his career with an impressive 594 goals over an amazing 256 games. A two time All-Australian, three-time best and fairest winner at the Lions and  in 2007 he led all comers to win the Coleman medal. 

I could easily go on about the long list of achievements Brown has accomplished over his stellar career, but he's more than just a great player. What makes Brown on of my most loved and respected players is not his long list of on-field achievements, it is his inconceivable courage, as well as the way he personifies the stereotypical 'great Aussie bloke' with his laid back personality.

He is the definition of a man's man.
He loves a 'few' sneaky beer while betting on the dishlickers. He's never sported a designer hairstyle, and he'll never be seen in the confidential pages of any newspaper. Despite his love for a froth or two he has never found himself in any hot water unlike many other AFL stars. Hawthorn star Luke Hodge once attempted to go drink for drink with the big man during the off season, and when asked how he went his response was;
"not good... he's a powerhouse - on and off the field."
Brown's numerous appearances on the Footy Show have highlighted his quick wit, and laid back, yet no nonsense personality. It is this that has made him the perfect ambassador for AFL in a rugby dominated state. You could argue that without his presence the recent difficult years at the Lions since their dominance in the early 2000's could have been far worse. He's the kind of player who brings people to the footy.  

His on-field acts magnify his league wide respect. Never has a man made a courageous grab followed by a 60 metre bomb look more nonchalant. Backing back into a pack should be a natural characteristic for anyone, yet it became second nature for Brown. I will personally never forget his Mark of The Year in 2002.

Jonathan Brown - Mark of the Year 2002

Running back with the flight into a huge pack of players coming just as quickly in the opposite direction, Brown's eyes never left the footy for even a brief second. Any other player would have stopped short and waited for the ball to spill, hoping to get a cheap kick. But Brown isn't just any other player. 

The modern game will probably never see another Jonathan Brown. Simply because the game is changing to more mobile, running forwards rather than the powerful, brute of human that Brown was.
This is a tragedy, but it just makes Brown an even more special player. 

What Brown has done for football in general is enormous, and as many greats of the game have said, he doesn't owe his club, let alone the game anything. His body has suffered enough, and it's time to farewell the big boy from country Victoria. It's been a privilege watching him strut his stuff over the years, and the Lions will not be the same without him.

I'll leave you with an open message to one of my all-time favourites;

Browny,
I feel I can safely speak for the entire AFL community when I say that we will miss seeing you crashing packs and slotting them through the big sticks. Congratulations on an absolutely outstanding career. You will always be a true legend of the game and your charisma will be missed.
I wish you all the best for your future, enjoy the time with your family, but please don't be a stranger to the football world. I hope for my sake that we get a chance to share a beer together in the future. 

Until then, thanks for the memories and I'll knock the froth of a few in your honour tonight! 

Welcome fellow judgmental sports enthusiasts

To be completely honest I'm not sure why I'm doing a welcome message - as there is currently no one but myself that is even aware that this blog exists.
Hopefully one day someone will read this, and if not, it will simply become another of the many conversations I have with myself.

So, to my future potential readers - you probably want to know what you'll gain from reading and following my blog.
To be honest I'm not completely sure, all I can say is that it will revolve around my judgmental yet hopefully well informed views of all things sport. What I can do however, is give you a list of the things I promise not to feed your poor minds with:
- There will be NO insights into #cleaneating.
- NOR will I ever attempt to be your #fitspiration.
- There will be NO yoga pose of the day.
- There will be NO outfits of the day.
- I WILL NOT delve into the world of the Kardashians (unless Kim is looking bangin')
- There will be NO boring political statements (unless a kid throws a sandwich at Gillard again)
- And finally, but most importantly, I WILL NOT give away any Game Of Thrones spoilers.

I guess before I go any further I should tell you about myself.
I'm 23
I'm male
I have not had a tattoo in the last 3 months
I have never been imprisoned
I have not lived in Europe during the Mad Cow debacle
I may or may not have answered many of these questions earlier today when donating blood (Yes, I'm a blood donor #hero)

But honestly, I'm your typical 23 year old Uni student. I enjoy the odd cleansing ale while hurling abuse at inadequate umpires. I have a deep hatred for Collingwood, Essendon, Carlton and I strongly believe that Paul Roos is proof that God is in fact a fan of the Demons. And yes, I'm aware I may have just discredited the churches idea of Heaven and Hell. What of it.
If you're not following a whole lot of what I'm saying then unfortunately this blog is probably not for you. And that's fine, but don't expect a Christmas card from me this year.

So there it is. I've lost my blog-virginity? Bloginity? Ahh whatever. All I hope is that I don't regret not listening to the great Homer J. Simpson when he said, "You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is - never try."

The way I see it, if Caroline Wilson can make a career by force feeding us uninformed and unintelligent ramblings she stole from the drunk and seemingly homeless man outside the Dirty Swan on a Saturday night then I can at least turn this into more than simply another conversation with myself.

So there it is. But before I sign off for the first (and hopefully not last) time I'll leave you with one piece of irrefutable wisdom;

Ambition is simply a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.