People with better career progression than Colin Sylvia

Colin Sylvia has reportedly had his first possession for season 2015. But it's probably one he'll want to forget. 

Yesterday a tweet from Ricky Nixon purported that the inconsistent ex-AFL star was caught at the Blackburn Hotel with a substantial amount of drugs on him.

Now TJR understands this isn't the most trustworthy source, but if this is true, then it would be the final nail in the coffin of one of the largest falls from grace in recent history.

A once potential superstar of the AFL, Colin Sylvia played 157 games with Melbourne, before heading West to Fremantle on a reported $1 million over 3 years. 

Following his 10 years at Melbourne, Freo supporters had high hopes. But instead they got an overweight, unfit, unexciting 6 games over 2 years and an agreed early payout.

In light of this information, TJR felt it necessary to highlight a few well known names who's career progression is now likely to be better than that of Sylvia's. 

Charlie Sheen

Still considers himself to be #winning

Tiger Woods

Took his short game to new heights across various holes

Lance Armstrong

Succeeded using whatever it took

Lindsay Lohan

Bring back the good twin from Parent Trap. Please and thankyou.

When a Tiger grows into a Pussy Cat

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. 

Bruce Wayne's words resonate today as we watch the demise of the once untouchable, unstoppable, incomprehensibly talented Tiger Woods. With each new tournament, there is more grief, more sand and many more shots.

Below are Tiger's 4 worst rounds in his PGA history:

1 - 85 at Memorial Tournament (2015)
2 - 82 at Phoenix Open (2015)
3 - 81 at British Open (2002)
4 - 80 at US Open (2015)

That's three out of four this year. And the only exception was during horrendous conditions where all players struggled at the British Open in 2002.

His 80 in the first round today at the US Open was riddled with horrendous drives and countless profanities, and even a thrown club.

 To make things worse. today marks exactly 15 years since Tiger won the US Open by an amazing 15 strokes.
Now, after the first round of this years US Open, Tiger, remarkably sits 15 shots behind current leaders Henrik Stenson and Dustin Johnson.

Tiger hasn't won a major since 2008 and hasn't won a tournament since 2013. Yet we mustn't forget that Tiger's resume still reads as follows.

He has won 79 PGA tour events (3rd All-Time)
14 Majors (2nd All-Time)
PGA Player of the Year 11 times
Only player to have won all 4 Majors in succession - now known as the "Tiger Slam"
Over US $12 million dollars earned on course, and many more made in endorsements.

His current net worth is estimated at a measly $640 million. Probably not a bad nest egg to sit on. Surely knowing this, Tiger could take a few months away from tournaments to get his swing working again. It's not like he'll miss the paycheck too dearly.

#TJR

Big Baby Hird

James Hird, was once dubbed the Saviour of Essendon, yet now he resembles a spoilt child as he divides supporters while simply satisfying his own vanity.

His legal battle has all the hallmarks of child who has been refused what he wants. He's been told 'NO' time and time again yet he continues to push and pull well beyond the clubs limits. 

His first babysitter, Bomber Thompson is long gone. Fed up with his inability to grow up and accept responsibility. 

Now the club has decided he still needs looking after. So like a bad Hollywood sequel, lets welcome the return of Hird's father figure - Kevin Sheedy.

TJR says time's up for Hird. Cut your losses Essendon and send your baby off to Boarding School.

The five F's every man needs for the Spring Carnival

Spring Carnival racing is here! Time to dust off the old bag of fruit and polish the boots.
The fillies are in superb form, and horses are going well too.

It's common knowledge that all men love the races. It's betting, it's drinking and its women. Possibly our three favourite things.
And when it comes to going to the races, preparation is key. At TJR we have put in the hard yards and long hours to provide you with a short list of the five F's essentials for a phenomenal day.

Fanciest Suit
To make the best out of the day you've got to look the part. Don't settle for the old hand-me-down, well-worn, wrong fitting option, nor that same suit you rocked at the Year 9 Formal.
Invest in a quality suit, and feel like Harvey Specter all day long.

Fat Wad of Cash
Once you look the part, you need a wallet to match. No one half-asses the races and enjoys it. Be prepared to spend the dough for a good time. Beers must flow, bets must be made, and if you happen to find yourself a winner, shout those who are having a shocker.
But most importantly, budget for the day. There is nothing worse than running out of cash before the last race and watching you're "sure thing" romp home for a win.

Form Guide
There is nothing worse than watching a bloke pick a horse based on a name or a whim. Yes they may get lucky, and yes at TJR we acknowledge you must go with the gut sometimes, but at least make that gut somewhat informed!
Grab the paper in the morning, check out what the experts say and don't throw away your money. Check yo self before you wreck yo self. Smart punting is good punting.

Flask
Uncertain economic times, gambling, and overpriced spirits mean a flask can be a necessary addition to all outfits. Fill it up with your favourite hooch, stash it in the jacket pocket and be careful about divulging its identity. Who you share your flask with is a sacred tradition, deeply endowed with respect and trust. Using a flask properly is about quiet sophistication among friends, and reminding yourself that you're a man who drinks real booze.

Focal Lenses
Better known as shades, sunnies, or goggles - these are essential.
Even if Melbourne has tossed up an average spring day, a good pair of lenses are pivotal to a day at the races for two reasons.
Firstly, you're in Melbourne. Correctly guessing the weather is more difficult than finding a winner in the Cup. Even if the day starts out bleary there is a good chance it'll turn into a pearler.
Secondly and most importantly they are a necessary addition for the inevitable amount of scouting you'll be doing. The filly's have donned their best frock, and spent hours working on their hair and makeup. It would actually be rude not to. But do it right, don't be lazy, sunnies on, and never forget to always inform your stable mate.


There you have it fellas. Following these 5 F's will ensure you won't find yourself getting effed in any way other than desired.

The Inaugural "Raph Clarke Medal"

The season has ended.

Hawthorn wins another premiership. Whoop de fucking doo.

St Kilda win a wooden spoon, Lenny Hayes retires. Put a fork in them. They're done.

Priddis wins the Brownlow. Deserved it, but who honestly saw that coming?

That leaves only one thing left to work out: Who were the worst players of the season?
This is the battle of the bottom dwellers, the shit kickers, and the all round disgraces to the game.


This year it was a tight affair. To qualify for this prestigious medal, players must have played a total of 8 games, and be hated more by their own supporters than the opposition.

We will begin with the runners up. These two players gave it a red hot crack this year, but finished tantalising short.

3. Travis Cloke
Travis Cloke returned to his poor form, poor kicking and poor fashion choice. In an average year for Collingwood he wasn't worth his over the top pay-packet. He's just lucky his brother Cameron has already shamed the Cloke name enough that one poor year won't damage it any more.

2. Zachary Dawson
Zac Dawson continued to be his ridiculous self. The man is hated by every Fremantle supporter yet Ross Lyon still wants him as a son in law. I actually don't understand how this child gets a game. He'd honestly struggle to break into Blackburn's senior backline. Shocking player, even worse bloke.

As stated above, these players all worked tirelessly on their ability to miss a target, miss a tackle, and miss a goal. But there was one player who surpassed all this year.
So it is with great honour, that TJR announces the winner of the inaugural Raph Clarke Medal  to be....

TYRONE (cheapshot) VICKERY

Tyrone Vickery represented everything that was wrong with the Tigers in the first half of the year. He looked suited to EFL Div4 at times as he dropped chest marks and imparted nothing but misguided violence.
Some men buy expensive cars to overshadow their certain shortcomings. Tyrone simply throws punches to hide the fact he can't actually play football. It's as though he thinks that physicality can make up for being ineffective, clumsy and difficult to watch. His season was summed up in one hit on outgoing West Coast champion Dean Cox.

Vickery's cheap shot

A worthless, expendable, useless and all round weak player. He sports a face most men would love to hit, and now he finally has an award befitting of his ability.

Congratulations Tyrone, you're officially TJR disapproved.

Another Demon Among the Angels

Reports are coming out of the Melbourne Football Club that arguably their greatest player of all time has passed away.

Robbie Flower was the vision of hope through a rather unsuccessful time for the Dees. Despite a listed playing weight of just 67kilos he was never one to shy away from the contest. He had speed to burn and was one of the first ever pristine ball users of the 70s.
This led to Brent Croswell using the following words to describe Flower in The Complete Guide to Australian Football;

"...beat Flower and you could just about retire from League Football because anything else smacked of anti-climax."

See highlights of the great man below.
Robbie Flower Highlights



Thanks for the memories Robbie. I hope you're enjoying a nice cold beer with Jimmy Stynes already. 

You are now a Demon among the Angels.


#TJR

English cricket team move into favouritism for Bobsleigh Gold Medal

Very few things in this world make me as happy as seeing Australia succeed on the world stage. One thing however that gives me similar feelings of joy, fulfillment and patriotism is seeing England lose.

In recent years England have revitalized their cricket team, to the point where they well and truly had the wood on the Aussies. Following victory in the 2011 Ashes series in Australia, England gained the number 1 position in world cricket. A position they would hold until late 2012. Not only did we have to hand over The Ashes, we had to put up with England big noting themselves to the entire cricketing world.
As much as they whine when the lose, they boast even more heavily when they win.
And they wonder why we resent them.

However, since 2012 the English Cricket team have fallen from grace so quickly that they have become the favourites for the Gold medal in the team Bobsleigh event at the World Cup event beginning later this year. Furthermore, plenty of their players will seek individual glory in the downhill skiing, with Bell, Prior and Cook the best chances for medals.

It is just one year ago that England beat Australia by 347 runs at Lords. Since then they have been unable to turn around a form slump so dramatic that if things fall India's way in the final two tests, England could be sitting as low as 7th in the world rankings.

How bad is it? Let see..

They haven't won a test in their last 10 tries - worst run in over 20 years.
Their senior players in Bell, Cook and Prior are all averaging under 25 runs a game over this stretch.
Cook hasn't scored a century in his last 27 innings.
Their bowlers can't put together two good performances during an entire match.
Broad now believes in ghosts, proclaiming that his room was haunted in their test against Sri Lanka.
Kevin Pietersen was sacked earlier this year for bad-mouthing their coach.
Then Andrew Strauss was in hot water for labeling Pietersen a c*** on live TV.
And up until last week India had gone 1,124 days without winning a Test outside of India.

Long live the Queen? Nah, long live the demise of the English cricket team!